I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
