Soap is not a condiment
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
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