Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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