i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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