He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
