looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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