If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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