I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
