that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
