I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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