I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I am one with the molecules
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
