I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
