I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
