I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
