Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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