no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
