I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
