What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Are my feet made of real feet?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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