New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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