OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
