hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
