I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
