wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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