Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
