so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
