What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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