May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
