Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
