I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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