Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
