she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
farters have to be the big spoon...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Randomize
