So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
