I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
