OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
