Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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