Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
