I met the friendliest cop last night
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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