WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
