I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i drank out of a bidet.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
