You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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