Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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