oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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