i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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