If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
