I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize