i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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