oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
