I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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