i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
