Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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