Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
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