just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
