Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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