drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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