JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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