I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
