Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
