I just pynch a tree in the face
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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