i jhust puked up my retainher.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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