Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My balls are so social today.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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