My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
