be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
