i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
