I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
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is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
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I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
And then he peed in my hair
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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