I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
