DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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