How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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