Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
