keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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