dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think people are normalizing furries
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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