yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
