Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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