Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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