Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
