ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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