If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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