Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
