I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
