im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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