i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
