it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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