Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!

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(281): View more from Texas

the condom got lost in my hair

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(979): View more from Texas

i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.

(903): View more from Texas

wow. i have no words.

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(440): View more from Ohio

So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"

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(501): View more from Arkansas

Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

People are yelling about how much they want you here.

(563): View more from Iowa

I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.

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(949): View more from California

You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.

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(208): View more from Idaho

Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins

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