Do you still have your period?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
